There I sat in a room full of impressive adults, listening to adulty things, trying to take adulty notes, and being increasingly distracted by the drops of sweat that were slipping down my back as a result of my mad dash across Manhattan to this seminar on non-profit campaigns.
And then it came – that old feeling of inadequacy.
I could imagine the impressive adults, all affiliated with impressive city-based non-profits, changing the world one email at a time, staring at ratchet little me and thinking, “Who invited that giant sweaty child to our impressive non-profit campaign seminar?”
Despite the fact that my name tag stated my title as the Director of Community Outreach with Global Empowerment Services, NY (hold your applause), I did feel like the toddler that sidles up to “Big Kid Table” like she belongs there, snotty nose dripping and Goldfish in hand. (The snotty nose part was true. #thankswinter)
But I, along with other representatives from non-profits across the city, had been invited to Redeemer’s Hope for New York seminar on “How to Execute a Campaign” as part of their partnership training. So I sipped my coffee, cocked my head intelligently to the side, and nodded along to the speaker’s points while trying to ignore my sweaty armpits.
You gotta fake it till you make it.
This same feeling of insufficiency rose up in my throat in the middle of a GED tutoring session with an older South Asian woman.
“Are you really trained for this?” she asked me, her forehead furrowing. “Did you graduate from university?”
“SHE KNOWS! SHE KNOWS!” my brain started immediately to screech. “SHE KNOWS THAT YOU’RE ONLY 21 AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING! HA-HA!!”
But, with a deep breath and a wave of Sovereign grace and confidence, I straightened in my chair and met her gaze steadily. “Yes, I’m qualified. I am a certified English teacher and I graduated from the University of South Carolina a year and a half ago, so I’m perfectly capable of helping you study for and pass your GED with flying colors. Are you ready to do this exercise now?”
The Lord keeps reminding me of 1 Corinthians 1:26-31:
“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise…And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'”
So my internal monologue is correct – in and of myself, I am insufficient and and small, BUT because I’m a daughter of God and His power is in me, I can stand tall and equipped to face any task.
YOU can stand tall and equipped to face any task. Praise the Lord.
Paul David Tripp commented in his book, New Morning Mercies, “If you fail to remember who God is in his power, glory, and grace, and you forget who you are as a child in his family, you will always mismeasure your potential to do what God has called you to do.” (#preachtripppreach)
New York can feel completely energizing one moment and wholly overwhelming the next, but I’m trusting that the Lord will give me boldness in the Gospel and the ability to handle anything that gets thrown my way.